Friday, March 15, 2013

my day without her

everything like happened in a second..
until now i'm actually not okay
i don't know how to describe my feeling, every time i think of her i still miss her badly
i don't know how to be okay . i don't know how to cure it .
i wish i'm a little stronger . a little.....
when people ask me how are you. are you okay. etc
i'll answer ya i'm alright but i'm actually not.
it's just so hard.. that i gonna be okay in a month time.
i'm with her until the last breathe of her life..
i'm the only one with her that time...
the moment of the nurse told me she's leaved......
i still wish it was a dream.....

i told her ,
i will be a good girl , i will stay strong
and i promise that will take good care of myself....
not to worry about me....
then she sleep peacefully...

whenever i'm home
i still not used to it....... no one could let me lay on..
i used to hug her everyday when i'm home.....
i know i'm like a baby girl......
i never think of that she will leave me so fast
i still remember last year i promise her..
after i work and i got saving i'll bring her to travel.....
i don't know when i'll be okay

in front of you all
i'll try to be okay.....
i understand well that you all are worry about me...
but
your word doesn't cure me from the pain and the lost..
the lost of a woman who used her whole life to love and care about me....
i've lost that.....
sometimes when i go the place we went together before,
i will think of her...
the way she nag me......
scold me......
and take care about me....
i still remember when i was going to have my eyes operation
the way she took care of me.....
every two hours help me to put eyes drop
every night she couldn't sleep well just worry about that i'll rub my eyes...
will help me to cover my blanket whenever i kick it off.......
sometime she's naughty , she will get mad of me..
i used to stick with her.......
until now i don't even delete her contact number in my phone........
the number that will never ring again.....

i've lost the one who love me for the whole of her life.
worried me until the last moment.